• This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 9 months ago by rebecca roberts.
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  • #9516085
    Cold Email Sample Review
    rebecca roberts
    Participant
    Oct 25, 2023

    Hi Will,

    I have drafted up some sample cold emails that I will be sending out this week and wondered if you could have a look at them?

    This is for the leadership training organisation – pain being the fracturing of teams as a business grows and reduced or non-existent accountability in leaders and their teams. Any and all feedback greatly appreciated 🙂

     

    SUBJECT LINE – NAME – struggling with team cohesion?

    FIRST LINE OF EMAIL – Get your team operating as a unified entity

     

    Hi NAME,

    As a business grows, the growing pains often show up in the team in a few ways; reduced synergy, focusing on the wrong stuff and can feel disjointed and messy.

    We helped Jess from Effective Freight Solutions to define and communicate the expected standards with her team and supported her to manage the process of improving performance and in the 3 years while she’s been working with us her revenue has more than doubled.

    Would it make sense to jump on a quick call to see if our well-worn framework could help you?

    Thanks,

    Rebecca

     

    SUBJECT LINE – Leaders must own everything in their world

    FIRST LINE OF EMAIL – How much within your business are you responsible for?

    Hi NAME

    Being the boss can be great, but managing the ownership and responsibility of your leaders can a challenge.

    We helped Jess from Effective Freight Solutions implement a well-worn framework for every level of leader within her organisation. She was able to empower existing staff and attract exceptional newer leaders and in the 3 years while she’s been working with us her revenue has more than doubled.

    Would it make sense to jump on a quick call and I’ll share any insights that I have that might be able to help?

    Thanks,

    Rebecca

    #9516106
    Will Barron
    Keymaster
    Oct 25, 2023
    Will Barron Oct 25, 2023

    Hey Rebecca,

    Some thoughts –

    • The first email in the cadence should have some personalization in the first line.
    • Simplify your messages (see below). Delete any word that doesn’t have to be there for the message to make sense.
    • I think “proven” probably works better than “well-worn”.
    • I think you’re at surface level benefits and desires here. What do these people realllllly want?

    Hi NAME,

    As a business grows, the growing pains often show up in the team in a few ways; reduced synergy, focusing on the wrong stuff and can feel disjointed and messy.

    We helped Jess from Effective Freight Solutions to define and communicate the expected standards with her team and supported her to manage the process of improving performance and in the 3 years while she’s been working with us her revenue has more than doubled.

    Would it make sense to jump on a quick call to see if our well-worn framework could help you?

    Thanks,

    Rebecca

    Hi [NAME],

    It looks like you’re going through some business growth right now because of [X].

    Growing pains often show up in; reduced synergy and a lack of focus.

    I might be able to help.

    We helped Jess from Effective Freight Solutions to define the expected standards with her team and her revenue has more than doubled.

    Would it make sense to jump on a quick call to see if we can do the same for your team?

    Thanks,

    Rebecca

    #9516107
    Will Barron
    Keymaster
    Oct 25, 2023
    Will Barron Oct 25, 2023

    Hi NAME

    Being the boss can be great, but managing the ownership and responsibility of your leaders can a challenge.

    We helped Jess from Effective Freight Solutions implement a well-worn framework for every level of leader within her organisation.

    She was able to empower existing staff and attract exceptional newer leaders and in the 3 years while she’s been working with us her revenue has more than doubled.

    Would it make sense to jump on a quick call and I’ll share any insights that I have that might be able to help?

    Thanks,

    Rebecca

    Hi NAME,

    I’ve been told that managing leaders in [INDUSTRY] can be tough.

    [REASON] can be the issue.

    We helped Jess from Effective Freight Solutions implement a proven framework for every level of leader within her organisation.

    In the 3 years she’s doubled her revenue.

    Would it make sense to jump on a quick call and I’ll explain how we helped?

    Thanks,

    Rebecca

    #9516112
    rebecca roberts
    Participant
    Oct 26, 2023
    rebecca roberts Oct 26, 2023

    Thank you. I knew they were too long but wasn’t sure what to take out.

    I’ll use these as a starting point, thanks!

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