[Sean Rapson]

Cold Email Eval

Sean Rapson

Participant

Nov 15, 2023

Apologies. Posted in the wrong forum. Coffee must not be working yet. Let me know what you think

Subject: Congrats!

Hello First_Name,

I saw that you are expanding. Congratulations!

I reached out because we help companies increase throughput in the cellular assays

We work with a lot of clients in the cell and gene therapy space, and have helped them get to trials and market faster. We recently helped one client get through a CRO scale up and into trials in 2 months!

I’d love to talk about your workflow and see if we could help you to get some time back, as well as help [company] get more potential therapeutics through the discovery process.

Would you have time this week for a quick discussion?

Regards,

Sean

[Will Barron]

Will Barron

Keymaster

Nov 22, 2023

Will Barron Nov 22, 2023

Hey Sean,

Some notes –

• The first line isn’t really personalized as it’s so generic. What expansion? What does that mean for them? Why does that tie into your message?
• “Hi” is cleaner than “hello”.
• Subject line is very generic and slightly click baity. It sounds like they’ve won something.
• Can you give examples of the companies that you’ve worked with? That would really add to the trust factor.
• I’ve tested lots of CTA and pigeon holing someone with an “assumptive close” doesn’t work as well as “would it make sense to jump on a quick call?” or “mind if I share how it works?”
• Reduce the length as much as you can.

Here’s my rewrite –

Subject: Name – Slow to get to trials?

Hi First_Name,

I noticed that you’ve expanded in [specific thing].

That means you’re now likely facing [new challenge].

We recently worked with [specific company] and helped them get to trials [specific amount of time] faster than their previous attempts.

Would it make sense to jump on a quick call to see if we can do the same for you?

Thanks,

[Author]

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