• This topic has 6 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 9 months ago by Will Barron.
  • Author
    Posts
  • #9515963
    1st cold email review
    David Farquharson
    Participant
    Oct 11, 2023

    Hey Will,

    I’ve got two drafts of cold email for my first outbounds, which one wins? Any thoughts?

    Email 1:

    Subject header: Name, what if you could reduce residents’ financial hardship? 

    Hey XXX,

    [Personalised Message] (For example: I saw the fantastic work you’ve done in highlighting the wide range of support for those experiencing financial hardship for this year’s Challenge Poverty Week.)

    Our financial support portal helps housing directors reduce residents’ financial hardship by streamlining the complex process of finding and applying for support, unlike the current fragmented landscape that can cause everyone confusion. We’ve been working with partners such as Lambeth Council and the Royal British Legion to secure over £6m in grants for residents in need.

    Would it make sense to find out more over a short call?

    Talk soon,

    Dave

    Email 2

    Subject header: Name – How to easily help your customers in need

     

    Hey XXX,

    [Personalised Message]

    Lambeth Council struggled to help their residents find the financial support they need.

    They went from being confused and overwhelmed, to empowering residents to rapidly access over £1k of funds, freeing up staff time and transforming how their residents access support.

    All we did was streamline the complex process in one simple portal.

    Would it make sense to find out more over a short call?

    Talk soon,

    Dave

    #9515974
    Will Barron
    Keymaster
    Oct 14, 2023
    Will Barron Oct 14, 2023

    Subject lines

    Subject lines are too long. Send an email to yourself with these subject lines and see if you can read them on your phone.

    Subject header: Name, what if you could reduce residents’ financial hardship?

    • Name – Reduce financial hardship?
    • Name – Immediately reduce hardship?

    Subject header: Name – How to easily help your customers in need

    • Name – Help those in need
    • Name – Quick impact?

    Body 1

    Our financial support portal helps housing directors reduce residents’ financial hardship by streamlining the complex process of finding and applying for support, unlike the current fragmented landscape that can cause everyone confusion. We’ve been working with partners such as Lambeth Council and the Royal British Legion to secure over £6m in grants for residents in need.

    Simplify, include the buyers desire and less “blocks” of text –

    Our support tool helps housing directors reduce residents’ financial hardship by streamlining the complex process of finding and applying for support.

    This is unlike other fragmented tools that cause so much confusion for everyone involved.

    We’ve been working with partners such as Lambeth Council and the Royal British Legion to rapidly secure over £6m in grants for residents in need.

    Would it make sense to find out more over a short call?

    Make sense to find out what exactly?

    Would it make sense to see if we can help you secure more grants, with far less hassle?

    Body 2

    Great email.

    Would it make sense to find out more over a short call?

    They don’t want to know “how” they want to know if you can do the same for them –

    Would it make sense to jump on a quick call and I’ll explain if we can do the same for X?

     

    #9516044
    David Farquharson
    Participant
    Oct 16, 2023
    David Farquharson Oct 16, 2023

    Thanks Will! Very good pointers.

    Is it worth AB testing both emails or just going with email 2 (which might be stronger) and then seeing results after 50 people in cadence?

    #9516058
    Will Barron
    Keymaster
    Oct 18, 2023
    Will Barron Oct 18, 2023

    Thanks Will! Very good pointers. Is it worth AB testing both emails or just going with email 2 (which might be stronger) and then seeing results after 50 people in cadence?

    The problem with A/B testing when you have 50 emails in a list is that the numbers are not “statistically significant”. It’s difficult to pull repeatable insights from the results of the campaign.

    As it’s the first cadence, I’d suggest getting it out there, see what messages get responses and then we can A/B test the worst performing emails in the future.

    #9516064
    David Farquharson
    Participant
    Oct 18, 2023
    David Farquharson Oct 18, 2023

    Makes sense, thanks!

    #9516075
    David Farquharson
    Participant
    Oct 19, 2023
    David Farquharson Oct 19, 2023
    Will, just a quick question on the below copy. I always try to personalise the message in the first sentence by looking on LinkedIn/news on the prospect’s webiste etc. But it feels bit clunky when flowing into the core email.
    Is this better to leave in or out?
    Hey Owen,
    Basildon Council seems passionate about tackling inequality with great schemes such as Find Your Active so I wanted to get in touch.
    Lambeth Council struggled to help their residents find financial support because staff were expected to remember how, when and where to go for over 25 journeys across different support partners and were worried residents weren’t getting some of the £19bn of unclaimed support that they were entitled to.
    So we helped to empower residents to rapidly access over £1k of funds which freed up staff time and transformed how their residents access support through a single front door.
    All we did was streamline the complex process in one simple portal.
    Would it make sense to have a quick call and I’ll explain if we can do the same for Basildon Council​?
    Talk soon,
    Dave
    #9516104
    Will Barron
    Keymaster
    Oct 25, 2023
    Will Barron Oct 25, 2023

    Hey Owen,

    Basildon Council seems passionate about tackling inequality with great schemes such as Find Your Active so I wanted to get in touch.

    Lambeth Council struggled to help their residents find financial support because staff were expected to remember how, when and where to go for over 25 journeys across different support partners and were worried residents weren’t getting some of the £19bn of unclaimed support that they were entitled to.

    So we helped to empower residents to rapidly access over £1k of funds which freed up staff time and transformed how their residents access support through a single front door.

    All we did was streamline the complex process in one simple portal.

    Would it make sense to have a quick call and I’ll explain if we can do the same for Basildon Council​?

    Talk soon, Dave

    I’d simplify this as it’s a lot of text.

    Hi Owen,

    Basildon Council look passionate about tackling inequality with schemes such as Find Your Active.

    I might be able to help.

    Lambeth Council struggled to help their residents find financial support because staff were expected to remember over 25 different support partners.

    We streamlined the complex process in one simple portal.

    They got rapid access to over £1k of funds which freed up staff time and transformed how their residents access support.

    Would it make sense to have a quick call and I’ll explain if we can do the same for Basildon Council​?

    Thanks,

    Dave

  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.