Hey Steve, some thoughts –
- Remove as many words as possible to the point that the text still makes sense.
- “I reached out” sounds very salesy. It’s better to make a clear hypothesis of their problem out of the gate or personalize the email to that specific person.
- “I see that you guys just did X, we might be able to help with Y”
- “Heads of data who manage lots of SKU’s tell me that they’re constantly swamped with X”
- The “how we do it” line is great. Lots of curiosity built.
- Remove “this week” from the CTA. Sounds pushy and salesy.
Example –
Hi NAME,
Heads of data who manage lots of SKU’s tell me that they’re constantly swamped with tech debt.
We eliminate tech debt in a subtly different way to the typical technologies. It’s also crazy easy to implement.
Would it make sense to jump on a quick call and I’ll explain how it works?
Thanks
