I made a copy of your doc and added some notes for you (highlighted) here –
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ynJOse-RP0Pxd1mroz2wQzNcm8RuttxEXzSjeJCyoj0/edit?usp=sharing
Some notes –
- I think you’ve done a decent job here but the emails seem a little generic. Is there a little more special sauce that only your organization has that we can sprinkle on top?
- Double check grammar etc. I’m terrible at that stuff, so if I can find issues it’s worth running through an additional spellcheck before sending out.
- Simplify everything. Every extra word you use increases the chance of the message getting lost in translation.
- Be more specific in the person you’re placing/value being delivered/what the prospect is going to get out of working with you.
Hope that helps!
