#9516371
Will Barron
Keymaster
Jan 7, 2024
Will Barron Jan 7, 2024

You’ve done a decent job! Few pointers –

Email 1

Ditch “I might be…” doesn’t add anything.

Rewrite the rest of it as if you’re chatting to a person in real life. It’s very statement like at the moment.

For example –

“Have you found that housing associations…”

 

Email 2

Nice! I’d probably say –

“I’ve been working with PA Housing and they’ve uncovered something really unusual.”

 

Email 3

Rework the first sentence so it’s making a hypothesis of their problem rather than “you might be interested”.

“Would you like to understand how PA Housing saved staff…”

 

Email 4

For this line ”

Think there’s an opportunity for us to empower residents, free up your staff’s time and build insightful data and reporting.” they are all features and benefits.

What’s the desire of the prospect? Include that. i.e. why should they give a shit?

 

Email 5

I’d go more with something that gets them to agree they are or are not a good fit.

“Is it fair that we can’t solve X problem right now?”

Getting agreement to follow up on an account that doesn’t care about the problem you solve is a waste of time :).