Hey Jono, I’ve moved this over to Asset Review rather than the public community.
Here’s some feedback –
Subj line – Get marketing match fit for 2024
They don’t care if they’re a “fit”. They only care about themselves. Pitch a result or a problem that needs solving in the subject line.
Hi (name)
I speak with a dozen businesses across the Bay of Plenty every week. When it comes to marketing business owners are telling me:
- I wanted to do more in 2023, but haven’t had the time
- It’s definitely on the list for 2024
- I’m frustrated with current efforts as not seeing enough ROI
Do any of these ring true for you?
If so I’m offering up a free solution to ensure you hit the ground running in 2024. I’ll review your marketing efforts to date and highlight:
- What’s going well
- What could be better
- What to focus on for 2024
This offering is typically only offered to our clients but I do have a limited number of openings for businesses that we haven’t worked with. These quick-fire ‘digital health checks’ are without cost (to you) and a 100% no obligation.
- Yes please – but let’s catch up in January, so I can make the most of 2024
- Yes please – let’s catch up before Christmas
- No thanks – I’ve done outstandingly well this year, just need to rinse and repeat in 2024
Just reply with a 1,2 or 3 and I’ll sort the rest.
Let me help you get ahead of the competition by getting you match fit for 2024.
Cheers
Jono
- Wayyyyyyy too long. Take a look at the structure of from the cold email workshop.
- “I speak with…”. Make the emails about them, not you.
- Personalize the first line if at all possible.
- Be specific with your hypothesis of their problem rather than giving three options and three potential solutions. You can use each option in a separate email but keep each email specific.
- I hate this 1, 2, 3 call to action. If you’re getting results from this then keep going. If not then drop that shit.
- Fundamentally I’d be slightly cautious of offering a marketing review when you offer a specific service. It seems like a great way to book lots of unqualified calls.
I’d be using something more like this –
Hi NAME,
I spoke with the owner of [X company in similar space to prospect] this week.
They said that they didn’t have the time to implement their marketing goals this year.
I learned a couple of things though that might be useful for [prospects company].
Would it make sense to jump on a quick call, I’ll take a look at your current marketing process and also explain what’s currently working in [X industry]?
Thanks,
