#9516218
Will Barron
Keymaster
Nov 14, 2023
Will Barron Nov 14, 2023

Hey Frederik,

Are these emails going out as they are in English or are you translating them?

If they’re going out in English, there’s probably a few additional changes I’d make to how they’re written. It’s probably nothing to worry about though if you’re going to translate them.

They’re decent!

Here’s some feedback rather than full rewrites –

Day 0:

Make sure it’s clear that you’re not calling their current solution shit. People have ego’s and don’t like being told they’ve done a bad job.

A better way of doing it might be – “I see that you’ve had some recent growth. That usually means new problems. We help…”

Day 2:

Can you share the webshop you’re working with or some metrics? Numbers make claims/social proof way more powerful.

I’m not sure the subject line (reviews) ties into the email (efficiency). Maybe do something like – “Becoming too efficient?”

Day 4:

You’re assuming they have lots of errors. Maybe pose it in a question – “If I could guarantee to eliminate 99% of warehouse errors, would it make sense to jump on a quick call?”

Day 6:

Take you out of it. That makes the statement more powerful as it’s harder to argue against – “It’s critical for webshops to be cost efficient”

Day 8:

Nice email. Good job.

Day 14:

Not sure on this but it’s a good pattern interrupt. Keep it in an see what results you get.

Day 19:

Good.

Day 20:

This is a little “I know better than you”. Tone it down a little –

Hi NAME,

I’ve tried to connect over the past couple of weeks but I’ve not managed to catch you.

Have you got your warehousing 100% nailed?