Will Barron
Nov 13, 2023
Will Barron Nov 13, 2023

Hey Shane, here are some notes and then I’ve rewritten the emails below.

It’s worth jumping on a group coaching call tomorrow and I can answer any questions you have.


  • Way too long. A good test for email length is to email yourself the message, sit on the toilet, open the message on your phone and ask yourself how much you’d read before deleting if the message was sent to you.
  • Write like you speak. You’d never say “we’ve yet to be properly introduced” if you spoke to a prospect in real life.
  • There must be some personalization. The prospect must get the message and go “ah, this is specifically been sent to me, because…”
  • Don’t have more than one CTA/question in the email.
  • You’re sharing too much information. The prospect doesn’t care how the product works.
  • Second email is a “bump” email. They get responses but I feel they are lazy. If the prospect was going to reply, they wouldn’t need a reminder.
  • You talk about “you” a lot. The buyer doesn’t care. You need to talk about them.
  • Four emails before a “break up email” isn’t enough. The prospect might have been on holiday for the first three.

Some concepts:

Embrace the curiosity loop. Don’t tell them everything. They have to jump on a call to understand fully. That’s the exchange of value.

All you need to do is put the right message, in front of the right person, at the right time. Your messages are so generic that it’s not clear who the right person is.

You’re not getting to the bottom of how dangerous the situation is for these folks. You need to get out of the zone of indifference.