Hey Abhitjeet. I’ve moved your post to the Asset Review section.
Few thoughts –
- “Hi” rather than “Hey” has worked better in our testing. End users maybe Hey is OK. Execs? I’d use Hi.
- I hate the CTA and that’s better saved for emails later in the cadence where you’re trying to get a response at all costs.
- “reporting/analytics” “sales and operations” “insights, reporting, analysis” – Pick one and it’ll make the message stronger. You can always include the other one in a follow up.
- Few opportunities to simplify. I’ve tried to reduce as much as possible below.
- This line is a little confusing “But did you know that as an agency who delivers reporting, {{COMPANY}} could potentially add 1-2 client’s worth of revenue at 50% or higher margin?”. If you’re including numbers or juxtaposing data it should be really clear.
- If all I got was this message, I’d be unclear on your value prop. Are you selling a tool to simplify and white label my reporting? Does your tool add more data that I can sell back to my customers? Is this a productivity tool? Is this a retention tool?
Hi {{FIRST_NAME}},
As a fellow [TITLE] I know how difficult it is to scale operations.
We help [INDUSTRY] agencies both scale and drive more revenue from the reporting they’re already doing for clients.
With the magic of our tool, we’ll consolidate your data, white-label it and enable you to resell it.
Typically we add 1-2 client’s worth of revenue with no extra effort.
Would it make sense to jump on a quick call to see if we can do the same for you?
Thanks,
[NAME]
