Loads better. Here are a few thoughts but you’ve got the jist of it –
“Our growth management platform helps Head Of Ecommerce like yourself, who wants to generate more sales by dramatically increasing conversions across all digital channels and empowering your team to quickly test and iteriate different campaigns through one single platform”
– What text can you remove without changing the message? For example “like yourself” can be dropped.
– What words can be simplified? For example “empowering” replaced with “allow”.
– What words can be stronger (less wishy washy)? For example “helps” to “enables”. “quickly” to “instantly”.
