I think your email is still too long and corporate :). Sorry mate!
For each line, ask yourself if you’d say this out loud in person to a prospect.
Additionally keep each email to one element of value. So separate emails for –
– Build expertise
– Increase operational resiliency
– Detect threats
– Respond to incidents
– Meet regulatory demands
– Improve utilization
– Protect sensitive data
How about something like this –
SUBJECT: NAME – Do you know they’re there?
In the last 6 months we’ve helped a bunch of companies in [CUSTOMIZE NICHE] detect threats that they didn’t know were attacking them.
Companies like [NAME RELATED COMPANIES – SOCIAL PROOF].
Does it make sense to jump on a quick call to see if we can identify where you might be attacked too?
SUBJECT: NAME – Are you protected?
Is your organizations sensitive data protected?
Data theft in [SPECIFIC INDUSTRY] costs companies [$X DOLLARS, OR WHATEVER THE COST IS] a year.
Would it make sense to jump on a quick call to discuss your current solution and see if it can be improved?