I think you should scrap this email and start from scratch. Here are some learning points –
I’d like to introduce Company x to you,
I don’t want to hear about X company. I want to know how you’re going to solve my problems. I don’t care about “apple”. I do care that their iPad works perfectly as a whiteboard for me to better communicate to our students.
but being honest I don’t know anything about your current situation.
Why would someone take the time out of their busy day to reply to your email, when you’ve not taken the time to research if they’re a good fit for your service?
However, a lot of the CIO’s & CISO’s I speak to
Who? Do I know them? Are they in my industry? Are they a competitor?
express having challenges that are preventing their organisations from utilising its technological prowess to grow and out perform their rivals.
IT jargon. Ask yourself if you’d actually say this to someone down the pub. If not, then it’s not conversational enough to go in an email.
5 questions I ask, that may indicate there is a personal need that you would like to address are.
Take a risk and make a hypothesis on what their need is. Shortcut the process.
If you email me saying that “I think you have X problem” and I have that problem, then I’m going to be excited to hear how you can fix it.
Company x are the largest independent end to end Cyber Security MSP in the UK and Ireland.
I really don’t care who the company is. I want a problem solving by whoever is the right fit, at the right time that is within my budget.
If what I’ve said resonates with you on some level, I can email you again in a few days with information on our approach to common challenges you may be facing right now.
We talked about this on our Zoom call yesterday – You’re in sales, not marketing. Book the call and help the poor bastard that is struggling. Don’t offer to drip feed them bit of information :P.
Hope that helps mate!