Here we go!
Hi NAME,
After working with +30 eCommerce brands I found a common problem that many forget to focus on their store when “business is booming’”.
The hierarchy. A website with bad hierarchy is like a room with 10 doors – you don’t know where to find what you are looking for.
That’s why I help eCommerce brands build websites with deliberate hierarchy and placement of elements that guide visitors into buying more products, faster.
With that being said, does it make sense to jump on a quick call to hear if I can help your business?
The first line doesn’t correlate to the second. What does a booming business have to do with website hierarchy?
It would be better to do something like “I see a major issue on your ecomm store. The hierarchy.”
That would drag them into the rest of the email.
Also I don’t know what you’re pitching or selling here. Website hierarchy planning? Web development?
No offence but this email isn’t very good.
Hi NAME,
After helping +30 eCommerce businesses I noticed a common problem. Visitors leave straight away if they aren’t engaged or intrigued by the website’s content. This is of course bad for business.
I help eCommerce businesses by improving their website’s conversion rate. This is done by analyzing the ideal buyer, researching their buying behaviour and building a design around it. Then they’ll be more likely to engage with the site.
Does make sense to jump on a quick call to hear if I can help increase your company’s conversion rate?
This email has the same problems. No customisation in the first line. An easy win would be “I work with your competitor {{company name}} and their visitors are not sticking around.”
Again, I don’t really see the value that you are offering here.
I like super sharp emails like this one here.
“Hi {{name}},
I don’t know who your dev is but you should fire them.
Your stores hierachy is broken.
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You’re losing sales every minute this email sits in your inbox.
Does it make sense to meet on a very short Zoom call where I’ll explain how to fix this?
Kindest regards”