Firstly Kudos to putting yourself out there to be reviewed by a bunch of salespeople.
I thought there were some statements that I took to use in my own industry. The only bit of feedback I have from the first call was to have included what you have done for a customer of a similar size to Will. ” We had a customer who had 1.1 mil in revenue and we increased their traffic by 35%”
2nd call was really good and you handled it well.