Hi Liam.
I think Will was trying to say that the second email (to explain why the buyer should care) shouldn’t need to exist if the first one is good enough.
Yep, fair point.
“Hi Name,
Restaurants are able to reduce their invoices by an average of 20% or more when they transition over to us for restaurant work supplies, linen and uniform services.
Just this week we’ve been able to reduce the costs of multiple restaurants in the area while giving them a better service.
Would you like to know how much we can save you? We can calculate it for you in 10 minutes or less.
Best,
Liam”
The problem is that this sounds like a marketing email. It’s robotic and doesn’t look like it was written by an expert/someone who really cares.
You need to be more specific to turn it into a sales email.
Think of it like this – It’d sound weird saying this verbatim, in person to someone over lunch, right? Try reading it out loud.
In a real conversation you’d be more like to say something like –
“You know Ziggy’s down the road? I had a great chat with their owner last night. He’s a cool guy.
Turns out that they’re doing X and they could do Y instead.
I know, interesting isn’t it! Hey, do you think we could help you achieve the same too?”
